Where is your teen headed?
Here is why: Most teens (and people) fall into three general groups. Each of these groups share common behaviors, beliefs but more importantly habits.
Group 1: This group of teens has behaviors and habits revolving around this belief – “I always do more than anyone expects!” In sports they are always the ones that hustle and work even harder at practice and in the off season than the games. In school they get pretty much straight A’s and get their homework done without being asked. At home they are respectful and appreciative. As a friend they would help anyone and they are that best friend that everyone wants because they can be counted on and trusted all the time. They know what college they want to go to and have a good idea of their future field or career.
Group 2: This is actually the largest group and where a majority of people fall. Their behaviors and habits revolve around this belief – “I always do just enough to get by!” In sports these are the ones that work hard mainy when the coach is watching and rarely do anything extra on their own. In school you might think they just get mostly C’s but actually they are more likely to get A’s and B’s in classes they like and D’s and F’s in classes they do not like. You will also find that they will blame poor grades on “I don’t like that teacher/my classmates.” Or “My teacher/fellow classmates don’t like me.” Some say “I hate school!” At home they try to negotiate or get out of everything before they reluctantly do it. You have to constantly pester them to do their homework or it does not get done. As a friend, they are the ones that often treat a friend one way when around certain people and another way around others. They do not know what they want to be when they grow up.
Group 3: This group has this belief – “I always try to get by doing less than I have to, sometimes by taking shortcuts or cheating.” In sports they end up being asked to leave the team because both the players and the coach know they bring everyone down. It is hard to believe they fail most of their classes! In high school you have to intentionally try to fail to get an F. Any teacher would help and reward you with a passing grade if you just showed a minimal amount to effort. They tend to hate everything and think everyone is out to get them. It is never their fault. They are typically in the complain, criticize and blame mode. They are rebellious and disrespectful. They seem to fight everyone and everything. Their parents are close to desperation and often say “I have taken everything away from them and…….” As a friend they are typically the ones that give the Group 1 teens grief for getting good grades and try to bring them down. They can also be the ones that act out with mean or bullying behavior. They don’t think or even care about their future.
So does your teenager fall into one of these categories?
It should be pretty easy to predict by now
If your teen is in Group 1, congratulations!!!!!!!! You are very fortunate. Want to know how to make them even better? ……. Get them around more Group 1 peers, teachers, coaches and mentors FAST! They need to be strongly supported and their achievements accelerated at this stage. This is the objective of both our teen and leadership program – To support and push these high performing teens over the top by raising their standard, improving their peer group and teaching them leadership skills!
If your teen is in Group 2, the good news is you still have time to mold their attitudes and habits. “Average people cannot earn black belts!” Your teen just needs new beliefs, a better peer group with better mentors/rolemodels, and above all just more success. They just need a much stronger and more positive “village” around them. I believe this group is in that dangerous “grey area” where they are just okay or have learned to settle for good enough. Today’s world is changing so fast and is increasing competitively that okay or good just won’t cut it anymore.
If your teen is in Group 3, I really feel for you. You are not alone. We have worked with many, many teens in crisis. It is tough to watch a mother completely frustrated and confused. This is a tough place to be. It will not be easy but we have to find the one thing that breaks through their limiting beliefs and destructive behaviors - a way to break the pattern and find something, anything where they can feel success and good about themselves.
So a teen can be a blessing and the best thing in your life…..or a parent’s worst nightmare!
I love working with teens…………….this is when you see the results of everything you do!
Give us a call/email and we would be happy to help you with your teen – you do not have to be student here. We want to help everyone! (It makes us all better.)
For your initial private, confidential consultation session, just CLICK HERE or call me at (517) 586-1001.